Here's how you should let go.
"Why does it feel like I've lost something I never had ?"
You were so in love with his smooth talking, the way he looked at you like no one else ever mattered, the way he pulled you into his arms, the way he holds your hand like he'll never ever let go, his charisma, his character, his smirk, his deep stare, his lip bite, his seriousness, his goofiness, his honesty, his singing, his rapping, the way he pulls you close enough to plant his lips on you, the way he sends you to your next destination despite being in a rush just so you'll be safe. A true gentleman with a heart of gold. Who knows what he wants, and will tell you everything you need to know.
He kept you up awake at night thinking of him, and runs through your mind for rest of the day when you're awake. He tells you good morning and good night, and ask if you misses him like he does. Oh hell yea I do. Truck loads. He compliments you for being you, asked about your day and gives you encouragement, he'll tell you to work hard and give your best. He'll be there if you needed him and that you should too.
Then one day, everything stopped.
He stopped replying you, he stopped trying to be there for you.
Leaving you hanging, and thinking what's wrong with yourself. Did I say something wrong? What have I done wrong? Are you so caught up with work? Have anything happened to you? You have that urge to pick up the phone and dial his number, spam him texts, or to rush down to wherever he was (if you knew). But you couldn't.
You were just as lost the next few days, knowing he's alive but he's not responding to you. You made wishes, you made up scenarios thinking it would happen, you'd stay by your phone 24/7 to make sure to reply him as soon else he'll probably be missing again, or to pick up his phone by the first ring, you still tried to text him once in awhile asking him out for meals but still, nothing. You start saying "someday, somehow, one day, maybe"
"He not into you"
"He's just playing with you"
"Don't fall anymore"
"You are not his type of girl"
"You're just hurting yourself"
"Are you sure you know him enough to know that you like him?"
I don't, but I just want to. Cause everything with him felt so right..
Painful but true, Your girlfs stayed up worrying about you but you spend your nights drinking and thinking about him. "Stay with us, listen to us. You were so caught up with him you forget he was never yours"
You're stucked between fighting for him and giving up. You asked yourself this same question everyday, "what should I do now?" and you ask your girlfs too. "Do you think he'll love me soon?" "It'll probably be worth the fight right?" "If I persist, he will see my hardwork right ?"
You know it. Very well in fact. He isn't interested in you, and he's not gonna come to you. But you still want to hold on to that 1% chance that he'll love you, that he'll come around and hold you, telling you how sorry and regretful he is for leaving you, for making you upset, for being the reason you're awake every night. "But what if he's just busy?" "What if he's coming around soon?" "What if he's just making sure I really love him?" A girl can dream can't she..
Just maybe, one day, I will wake up to his text.
Someday, we will wake up right beside each other
Someday, we will wake up making meals together.
Someday, we will meet our friends and family.
Someday, we will walk down the aisle together.
Someday, we will travel the world together.
Someday, we will take care of our kids together
Someday, we will grow old together while looking back on all those good ol' times.
Someday, one day..
But I know..
One day, I'll wake up realising its all a dream.
One day, I'll wake up not wishing he was mine.
One day, I'll forget him.
One day, I'll stop missing him.
One day, just one day, I'll wake up and stop crying.
One day.. But that day is still not today.
It's gonna take you days, weeks, and even months to slowly let him go, to let everything go. But how are you to do so when everything you do reminds you of him, when he just keeps popping up in your head, when he just doesn't disappear like you wish to.
You don't have to.
Keep him there, keep him in the small boxes in your head, keep him in the back of your head, keep him forever. Because even with his departure from your life, he was once 'yours', he was once the guy who made you the happiest, he was for that moment your universe. Be happy, be proud. For you both had something to look back to, for he once was your everything, for you both once loved.
Xoxo,
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