Have You Ever;
Have you ever had someone you thought felt the same way you did, but who never showed it at all?
Have you ever got so confused by the other party regarding this ?
Have you ever wondered why ?
Have you ever wondered what exactly happened for this to happen?
The reason he/she isn't coming to you, he/she isn't loving you like you did.
The reason why he/she couldn't love you like she did?
Have you also wondered how someone as perfect wasn't attached ?
Have you ever wondered how he/she can be the sweetest deal ever but no one caught her?
Have you ever wondered if it was you, or her, or them ?
Have you ever how badly he/she was hurt in their previous relationship?
Have you ever how many dates she went before she met you?
Have you ever wondered how the dates went ?
Have you ever wondered how much effort she place in every date and every relationship that nearly gonna happen ?
Have you ever wondered how many times she cried over giving too much to the other party ?
Have you ever wondered all these before you blame her for not loving you ?
I did.
I wondered.
This is why.
Exactly 2 years back, her 2.5 years relationship ended.
And months after that while at work, she was in sync with this guy. So they decided to give it a shot, they decided to get together. Like honeymoon period, it was pretty romantic and loving. As fast as the time passes, he changed. He was sending her to his void asking her to cab back herself. He was pushing her limits. "I don't like this Colour, the size is too big, the other design is nicer, I'd prefer this. Why didn't you get me that" she was giving, a little too much every time. She had to change her gifts for him everytime. "I didn't withdraw money, I only have enough to buy my snacks for work. Can you pay first?" Almost his catchphrases everytime they met, he made her travel from the east to north east to north and down to west and back to north east. Every. Single. Weekend. And Guess who paid most of the cab fares? Yupp, she did. she had to wake up for work at 0400hrs on certain days, but instead of being understanding he said "it's just work. Why are you even so tired?? Why are you always sleeping??" She said nothing at all, even watching him sleep in every weekend for 3 straight months. And here he is, trying to be a complete jerk.
It took her 4 months.
4 months. To gather her courage. To call it quits. From this straining and expensive relationship. She gave in, she gave chances, she changed her mindset. But Nop, she had nothing else to be giving. She was drained, she was both physically and mentally drained. So she left.
It was when she finally met someone who made her heart skip a beat, and she decided it was time, to give someone a chance 3 months later. She thought he was it. He was understanding, sensitive and very very caring. He would come over at 2am just to get her food when she said she was hungry. He'd come all the way from the west to the east just to fetch her from work, to have a meal with her, or just to accompany her and make sure she have had her meal.
He would come over after work just to buy food knowing that she's very lazy to leave the house to get proper food. He came over every time when he could to spend time with her and her family, also to brings her out for movie. Agreeing to her movie genres and her food craving. He was it. He was the one she thought she'd spend your whole life with. Until he said 'Actually I don't love you at all'.
She died.
A million times that day.
A hundred times Everyday for the next few weeks. She cried herself to sleep and wake up wishing it was all a dream, all a bad dream.
A month later, she came across a seemingly decent guy. They both hung out in groups with each other's best friends. He was there a minute, and he was missing the next. He was constantly late, he was constantly keeping things from you. And you were being a spoilt brat picking fights with him almost every other day because he was a ninja. A very skillful one. He was insensitive, 'why is she always so angry when she sees me' was what he always said after being late for an average of 1 hour for every meet up. When she decided to embrace his lateness and said she won't pursue anymore if he's late. And when she thought things was getting better... He stood up and walked straight out of her life. He was officially gone.
"She's pure insane", he told his friends.
She lost hope. Well she thought she did.
Until she met someone who stepped out of a fairy tale, where their first encounter was a scene out from a drama. A very sweet one.
He looked at her, amazed. And with his smooth talking, she fell badly into his trap despite tons of warning from her friends. His jokes, his smile, his hug. His every action was to die for. Until he went missing.. (Click here for whole story)
It might be them, it might be her. But whatever it is, she just probably need someone to understand that she has her own reasons she is behaving like this, that she is still confused, and afraid. And stuck somewhere out there trying to get herself back on track.. She's trying to stay alive without being hurt. She's taking every step with caution, She is.. Trying..
xoxo,
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